- Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.
- Miracles take hard work, Commander.
- And do turn up the charm, Ziva David, you're a geek, not mentally deranged.
- Close your eyes. You feel the wood? You don't get a sensation like that from a power tool.
- So this nutjob was running through the mess hall, and he's completely naked, which is weird...
- I hate it when you don't know what you're looking for but it might kill you if you find it.
- I think you're confusing me with some one far less awesome.
- No one has teeth that white unless they have something to hide.
- I'm proud of you, like a weird uncle.
- I AM the American Dream!
- *grabs Mcgee through the bars* Prison changes a man.
- Ya know, in Arabic the word for desert is sahara, so Sahara Desert is actually desert desert. Lotta sand.
- We fail to contact Dubai, word gets to the carrier group in the Med and they scramble F-22 Raptors that... burn sand into glass!
- I had a hampster named Ferrari.
- Take a breath, have a keyboard.
- When the going gets tough, the tough go clubbing.
- Big "D", little "i", big "N", little "ozzo".
- My fingers are finging.
- But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
- The flaw in the plan... was the plan. But I got another plan to end it.
- It's not really a party 'till the bomb squad says it is.
- Ya know, since I'm here, it's a shame to waste me, I vote for a group bath.
- We were just, uh, eavesdropping like little girls.
- He called his own tip hotline. I'm starting to like this guy.
- They look funny with clothes on.
- I love you, boss.
- You think this is a dwinka-kwink?
- I do not understand. If you want some one dead, you knock on their door, they answer, you shoot them. Easy.
- We have been instructed to sit on the baby.
- Tony, your dieing words will be, "I've seen this film".
- Some one will die today.
- "DiNozzo-itis?" Sounds veneral.
- You might want to do something about your hair, its sticking up like a porcu-swine....wrong word...like a porc- porcu-pig...no, the little animal with the little spikies...
- To dry-eyed mice!
- And I finally watched Titanic. It sinks at the end. Very weird.
- But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! Which I guess I could also understand. I mean he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death... alrght, I'll give you that one.
- *points to Chip, tied up on the floor* Now can I work alone?
- Good news and bad news, Gibbs. Good news is, I'm still cute. Bad news? The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy...
- Sailor on the half-shell!
- Abby has to pee.
- Fantasize later, Hemingway.
- Somebody needs a Happy Meal...
- Good dog. BAD McGee!
- Ecuatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.
- You’re not listening to a word I’m saying. I’m pregnant, McGee. Twins. Haven’t told the father yet…it’s Gibbs. I know it’s wrong but something about his silver hair just gets me all tingly inside.
- You may be smart, but my geek carries a gun!
- I've been thinking about buying some tight, red leather pants, something that really cradles my butt...
- And I'm gonna go do that... after I get... a nutter butter... >.>
- I'm gonna go... get... a haircut... >.>
- Why are you showing me mold porn?
- That IS a pretty sophisticated grammital differentiation.
- Yeah, it's funny 'till some one plunges to their death.
- It's not likely he was shot by a bird.
- I think she got off on the fumes!
- We do not guess, Timothy. Nor do we assume, presume, conjecture or prognosticate.
- Danger, intrigue, a damsel in distress, I'm actually looking forward to it!
- Try not to look so chipper. *drinks coffee* Alright, go.
- You got that mustache in a box, don't you?
- Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you.
- I don't know who you lie to, being the bottom of the armed Fed food chain... and not married.
- And people say WE'RE bastards.
- Jethro always did like redheads...
- PS, I don't know where YOUR SIG is, but I'M having trouble walking...
Gibbs: ...ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill.
Jenny: So is castration.
Gibbs: I wear a cup.
Ziva: Uno mas, s'il vous plaît!
OMC: You're mixing your languages.
Ziva: And my liquors.
McGee: She'll call when she's ready.
Tony: Last time I said that I ended up tied to a chair in north Africa.
Tony: I thought you were supposed to be dead, Fornell.
Fornell: I got better.
Tony: I thought they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Kate: That's because the king only had horses and men.
Gibbs: The director just assured the Secretary of the Navy we were handling this thing with kid gloves.
Abby: Well we didn't get that memo. Cause, ya know, we're wearing latex.
Abby: Just sit back and let the scientists-
McGee: Kick all kinds of major ass.
Tony: Curious to know what follows red light behavior, Ziva?
Ziva: Uhhhh, potential pregnancy?
Gibbs: *blows the crap outta some guy and his trailor*
Tony: I think ya got 'im, boss.
Tony: The Eraser!
McGee: What movie is that from?
Tony: Oh, I don't know, Flashdance?
Kate: Why do you need two "B"s?
Gibbs: The second one's for "bastard".
Tony: Twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody understands again!
McGee: The GPS co-ordinates came bundled in a proprietary packet. Since it was a beta, I thought-
Gibbs: I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee
Fornell: This is a big deal for you, isn't it, letting me drive your car?
Gibbs: Ah, whatever. You already slept with my wife.
Fornell: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Gibbs: Oh, only slightly more than a lot.
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible, I do not remember all their names. *shrugs*
Ziva: I do have feelings, though I do not express myself the way Abby does.
Tim: No one expresses himself the way Abby does.
Tony: I gotta write a book.
Gibbs: You should read one, first.
Abby: Who's a good Jethro?
Gibbs: I'm a good Jethro.
OMC: You're under arrest.
Gibbs: For what?
OMC: For pissing off the FBI.
Gibbs: Get used to it!
Abby: No plan, just go. Find along the way. If you look for something specific-
McGee: Then there's only one right answer.
Abby: Internet romances never work out.
Tony: They all end in attempted murder, Abby?
Abby: Only the really hot ones, Tony.
Kate: The only thing running through your blood, Tony, is cholesterol. And possibly chlamydia.
Tony: 's curable.
Tim: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: You all are.
Gibbs: Not an accident.
Abby: Not unless the Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.
Abby: Thank you, sir.
Gibbs: Don't call me sir.
Abby: Thank you, ma'am.
Gibbs: No one is going to hurt you, Abby.
Abby: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Gibbs: Did it?
Abby: ...Yeah. Can you say it again?
Gibbs: Nobody's gonna hurt you, Abs.
Tony: This looks like a nice place, doesn't it, honey?
McGee: Sure does, sweetcheeks.