Sunday, March 14, 2010

wow i wish some one had told me this in middle school...

there's a trait that almost all girls and women possess. we all fall prey to a certain mindset. i don't know if there's a name for this, but there should be. and since "there's no way i'll ever be good enough for that boy but wouldn't it be awesome if he for some reason thought i was syndrome" is a little long, we'll just call it esteem syndrome.

esteem syndrome generally starts around middle school. right around the time when boys start getting interested in girls in that way. that's right, when BOYS start getting interested. because this syndrome has far less to do with what us girls think about boys and far more to do with what they think of us, and what we think of ourselves as a result of that.

now think about the hotshot guy in your grade, school, or organization. you know the one - he thinks he's cute because all the girls want him. and why do all the girls want him? because one or two girls first said he was cute. because one or two girls started pining over him. you think he's SO cute. you imagine him asking you out, imagine him telling you you're beautiful, imagine him paying any attention to you at all. then one day when you drop your book and he picks it up for you, you SWEAR y'all have a moment. he picked up your book! he CARES about you! you're so totally in love with him and he likes you back!! you find out two days later that the period after that he asked another girl out. you're CRUSHED. you thought there was potential there!

okay, so maybe it's not this bad for you, and please don't think i'm trivializing your feelings if it is.

but do this for me. go look at this guy's facebook page. yeah, don't deny it. if you're too shy to have added him already, then you've at least been to his page and know which of your friends you have in common. so go look. just stare at some of his pictures. forget all the hype and what other girls think of him. just analyze his face. okay, and his hair. is he really that cute? that handsome? that DREAMY? is he? for some of you, he genuinely may be. we're all attracted to different things (thank goodness). but for most of us, what's intruiging about this guy is not his looks, but what OTHER people think of his looks.

you say, "well, i don't like him for his looks, anyway. i like him for HIM."
okay. kool. what do you know about him?
"he's a good guy!"
"and we share interests! i mean, we're both in band, so we're both musicians and we both like music."
ok. so have you ever practiced with him?
why not?
"well he plays trumpet."
and you play...?
right. okay. well when's his birthday? does he have any brothers or sisters? what color are his eyes?
come on. not even his eyes? you just stared at his picture! you were looking at his hair the whole time, weren't you?

see, it's not about him. it's not about love. it's about what you think of yourself. you don't think high enough of yourself. you long for the day when he'll tell you that you're different, better, more important than all the other girls you go to school with.

in fact, and you're not gonna like this, but read it and take it to heart 'cause it's true, there is a very, VERY slim chance that you and he will ever get together. and by slim i mean like none. next to nothing. almost zero.

this breaks your heart, doesn't it? i understand, believe me. we get so encompassed in ourselves in middle and high school that our emotions seem to move the earth at times.

but listen. the ONLY way to prevent this from happening is to stop focusing on how great other people think he is, and focus on how AMAZING you actually are!!

i mean, really. look at you. you're GORGEOUS! smile. DO IT. look at that beautiful smile! it just lights up the room.

YOU have to realize for YOURSELF that you are so uber wonderful. don't wait for some one else to tell you that - you don't need them. they won't all be around you for the rest of your life, but you get to hang out with you 24/7. so tell yourself daily the opposite of the worst thing you think about yourself. write it on your mirror. say it every morning as you brush your teeth.

i'm not saying that by realizing what a catch you are that you're never going to have a crush again. one day you're going to meet a genuinely great, cute guy, and then you're going to meet his genuinely great fiance (or worse, "life partner"). but what you can do is enjoy where you are now. you can walk around your campus with confidence, knowing how stinking awesome you are, and how lucky your future boyfriend/fiance/husband will be. and you can stop worrying about what he thinks of you and just have a great time with your friends!

so stand up tall! look that cutie in the eye and work up the courage to actually say hi to him! focus on you, and what great things you have to offer to the world around you. most importantly, have fun!