1. Last beverage: water.
2. Last phone call: recieved: tina sent: mom.
3. Last text message: tina.
4. Last song you heard: raise your glass, p!ink.
5. Last time you cried: i think it was saturday.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: no.
7. Been cheated on: no.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yes.
9. Lost someone special: yes.
10. Been depressed: yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: no.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. purple.
13. pink.
14. Aggie maroon.
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: many.
16. Fallen out of love: little bit.
17. Laughed until you cried: i've only done that like twice in my life. laughed until i couldn't breathe, definitely.
18. Met someone who changed you: um, maybe not met so much as gotten to know better.
19. Found out who your true friends were: definitely.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: HAHA. yes.
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list: kissed some one who USED to be on my friends list.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all but about 4.
23. How many kids do you want?: eh. 2.
24. Do you have any pets: i keep my sister's dog while she's away at college.
25. Do you want to change your name: i would really love to change my last name to that of my spouse's. :)
26. What did you do for your last birthday: umm, there was family involved...? that was 9 months ago. i don't remember.
27. What time did you wake up? haha, like 4-ish. hmm, maybe that's why i can't get to sleep... :)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night? driving around.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for? going to disneyworld!!
30. Last time you saw your mother: 5-ish hours ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i really can't pick just one.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: thomas.
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: myself.
35. Most visited website: facebook. it's a drug and i'm addicted.
36. Whats your real name: Katrina Stephenson
37. Nicknames: kat
38. Relationship Status: perpetually single
39. Zodiac sign: [this is the dawning of the age of] aquarius
40. Male or female: female
41. Primary School: i really don't think i should give out this information over the internet.
42. Secondary School: see previous.
43. High school: bryan high.
44. Hair color: red.
45. Long or short: long.
46. Height: short enough.
47. Age: 20.
48: What do you like about yourself?: i'm a pretty good listener when i need to be, and i'm told i have nice legs. :)
49. Piercings: none.
50: Tattoos: none.
51. Righty or lefty: righty.
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: i was born by c-section. other than that, none.
53. First piercing: n/a
54. First best friend: marilee fenn.
55. First sport you joined: t-ball. ohh, those were the days. :)
56. First vacation: washington d.c. - 18mos old.
58. First pair of trainers: i do not remember.
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: nothing.
60. Drinking: nothing.
61. I'm about to: go watch tv if i can't get to sleep.
62. Listening to: my fan.
63. Waiting for: REM.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: if my spouse would like them.
65. Get married?: yes.
66. Career: actress?
67. Lips or eyes: eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: taller.
70. Older or Younger: older, for sure.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneously romantic.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: ooh, that's a tough one. gonna have to go with arms, though.
73. Sensitive or loud: not too sensitive and not too quiet.
74. Hook-up or relationship: if you're lookin' for thrills, then get cold feet. oh, no, i do not hook up.
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: yes.
79. Ridden a Roller Coaster: *shudders* yes. never again.
80. Broken someone's heart: not that i know of.
82. Been arrested: no.
83. Turned someone down: yes.
84. Cried when someone died: yes.
85. Fallen for a friend: not really.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: haha. i'm workin' on it.
88. Love at first sight: no. not at all, not even a little bit.
89. Heaven: yes.
90. Santa Claus: heck yes.
91. The Easter Bunny: not so much.
92. Angels: yes!
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no.
95. Did you sing today?: yes.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: no.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: 6th grade. oh my goodness, i'd do EVERYTHING differently.
98. The moment you would choose to relive?: too many to chose!
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: sometimes.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: i'm not afraid to, but i'm not going to either.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
1 Corinthians 8-10 (NIV)
8
2The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
3But the man who loves God is known by God.
5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), 6yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.
12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.
9
2The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
3But the man who loves God is known by God.
5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), 6yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.
12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.
9
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (NIV)
24-25You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally. 26-27I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself. (The Message)
10
1For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. 2They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. 3They all ate the same spiritual food 4and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. 5Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.6Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did.
11-12These are all warning markers—danger!—in our history books, written down so that we don't repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel—they at the beginning, we at the end—and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence. (The Message)
12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
20No, but the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons. 21You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons.
24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God
Thursday, September 30, 2010
1 Corinthians 5-7 [The Message]
ch. 5
vs. 9-13
I wrote you in my earlier letter that you shouldn't make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous. I didn't mean that you should have nothing at all to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with crooks, whether blue or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You'd have to leave the world entirely to do that! But I am saying that you shouldn't act as if everything is just fine when a friend who claims to be a Christian is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can't just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior. I'm not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don't we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers? God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house.
ch. 6
vs. 18-20 (NIV)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
ch. 7
vs. 17 [i hate this verse]
And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.
vs. 20-24
Stay where you were when God called your name. Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don't mean you're stuck and can't leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. I'm simply trying to point out that under your new Master you're going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you'll experience a delightful "enslavement to God" you would never have dreamed of. All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.
vs. 9-13
I wrote you in my earlier letter that you shouldn't make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous. I didn't mean that you should have nothing at all to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with crooks, whether blue or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You'd have to leave the world entirely to do that! But I am saying that you shouldn't act as if everything is just fine when a friend who claims to be a Christian is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can't just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior. I'm not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don't we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers? God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house.
ch. 6
vs. 18-20 (NIV)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
ch. 7
vs. 17 [i hate this verse]
And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.
vs. 20-24
Stay where you were when God called your name. Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don't mean you're stuck and can't leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. I'm simply trying to point out that under your new Master you're going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you'll experience a delightful "enslavement to God" you would never have dreamed of. All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.
Monday, September 20, 2010
goals
it's occured to me that i do better week-by-week when i set out with goals. it starts me off with a positive attitude and it keeps me on track.
so, goals for this week:
go grocery shopping. make a list, buy healthy.
exercise 2x a day. you've done it before, do it again.
go to choir. leave on time, don't speed!
practice Christmas music. use CD if necessecary.
create a permanent food diary. buy one if needed.
go see dr. ruggiero.
research Colorado (cost, job ops).
practice piano. look for teacher.
practice voice. look for teacher.
calculate weight goals. set timeframe for gns.
get blood work done, garner needed suppliments.
wake up before 7 every day.
research dance classes.
look into FIF cost[s].
work on monologues.
increase work hours.
add to goals list if needed.
so, goals for this week:
go grocery shopping. make a list, buy healthy.
exercise 2x a day. you've done it before, do it again.
go to choir. leave on time, don't speed!
practice Christmas music. use CD if necessecary.
create a permanent food diary. buy one if needed.
go see dr. ruggiero.
research Colorado (cost, job ops).
practice piano. look for teacher.
practice voice. look for teacher.
calculate weight goals. set timeframe for gns.
get blood work done, garner needed suppliments.
wake up before 7 every day.
research dance classes.
look into FIF cost[s].
work on monologues.
increase work hours.
add to goals list if needed.
Friday, September 17, 2010
revelation
i'm never going to be good enough.
i've always heard people talk, from a Christian standpoint, about God bringing your significant other into your life when you're satisfied with Him or when you're content enough or "Christian enough" or whatever.
so i've tried, my whole life, to be content with the fact that i'm single. and to be calm and patient and satisfied and perfect and whatever. but the fact is, i'm never going to be good enough, and, dangit, i don't have to be!!
if i had to be good enough to receive grace, there's no way i'd be saved. if i had to be "Christian enough" to be accepted in my church, i'd be a total outcast. and if i had to look perfect ALL the time, i would have no friends.
so here, i'm going to say what i've been denying for a long time: sometimes it really, REALLY sucks to be single! i outright hate it at times. friends and family are no replacement for a husband. and that's fine, they aren't supposed to be.
now tomorrow i'm going to go right back to being content and patient, but for tonight i'm going to admit that while i know Love, i'm still waiting for my love. and i'm going to revel in the freeing fact that i'm never going to be good enough. i'm never going to be perfect. but one day [and dear Lord, please, oh PLEASE let it be soon!], God will bring me some one who will love me for the beautiful woman God has made me.
and yes, i will work, all my life, to be more Christ-like. but i don't have to be all the way there right now in order to be loved. and praise God all the more for it!
i've always heard people talk, from a Christian standpoint, about God bringing your significant other into your life when you're satisfied with Him or when you're content enough or "Christian enough" or whatever.
so i've tried, my whole life, to be content with the fact that i'm single. and to be calm and patient and satisfied and perfect and whatever. but the fact is, i'm never going to be good enough, and, dangit, i don't have to be!!
if i had to be good enough to receive grace, there's no way i'd be saved. if i had to be "Christian enough" to be accepted in my church, i'd be a total outcast. and if i had to look perfect ALL the time, i would have no friends.
so here, i'm going to say what i've been denying for a long time: sometimes it really, REALLY sucks to be single! i outright hate it at times. friends and family are no replacement for a husband. and that's fine, they aren't supposed to be.
now tomorrow i'm going to go right back to being content and patient, but for tonight i'm going to admit that while i know Love, i'm still waiting for my love. and i'm going to revel in the freeing fact that i'm never going to be good enough. i'm never going to be perfect. but one day [and dear Lord, please, oh PLEASE let it be soon!], God will bring me some one who will love me for the beautiful woman God has made me.
and yes, i will work, all my life, to be more Christ-like. but i don't have to be all the way there right now in order to be loved. and praise God all the more for it!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
i want my chance.
so i'm in a really weird place after watching the Rizzoli & Isles season finale.
on one hand i kind of want a hug. on another i don't even want to look at another person right now.
i want to like throw up and punch something at the same time. [that is, the desires coincide, not that i wish for the actions to coincide. that would just be difficult.]
and yet some sick, sadistic part of me wants, more than ever, to be a part of television - to be a part of something so powerful.
it's not that i want to make people cry or whatever, it's that i want to be a part of something that gets people this in touch with their emotions. i want to play a role in something that brings people together in a way that nothing else does like a communal love of fictional characters. it sounds weird or silly, but it's the truth!
on one hand i kind of want a hug. on another i don't even want to look at another person right now.
i want to like throw up and punch something at the same time. [that is, the desires coincide, not that i wish for the actions to coincide. that would just be difficult.]
and yet some sick, sadistic part of me wants, more than ever, to be a part of television - to be a part of something so powerful.
it's not that i want to make people cry or whatever, it's that i want to be a part of something that gets people this in touch with their emotions. i want to play a role in something that brings people together in a way that nothing else does like a communal love of fictional characters. it sounds weird or silly, but it's the truth!
Monday, September 13, 2010
cleaning... or lack thereof...
i was sick yesterday. ran a little fever, whatever. i'm over it. but today i've been in a weird mood 'cause i'm in that "well enough to be bored but still too weak to actually do anything" state. and that's just not okay. so i've been like listening to good music and trying to be upbeat and whatever. so i look over and see how many kleenexes have missed my trashcan over the last few days and i'm like, "okay, i'll clean those up and get myself into a cleaning mood and make my room look pretty and then i'll feel better". so i clean up the kleenexes, then turn around, look at what a mess my room is, and am like "yeah... no".
so the moral of my story is: i need a house elf.
so the moral of my story is: i need a house elf.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
=D
sooo...
family
handbell reunion
good friends
working out
Aggies winning
more working out
music practicing
daydreaming
...all have made this a wonderful weekend!
goals for this week:
work out 2x a day (YOU CAN DO IT!!)
bring some one to choir wednesday
meet up with Heather
work on Colorado stuff [[more to come later]]
research disney trip -plane tkts!-
get up early every day
read Bible/have quiet time every day
find/research small group
find voice teacher
keep food diary
family
handbell reunion
good friends
working out
Aggies winning
more working out
music practicing
daydreaming
...all have made this a wonderful weekend!
goals for this week:
work out 2x a day (YOU CAN DO IT!!)
bring some one to choir wednesday
meet up with Heather
work on Colorado stuff [[more to come later]]
research disney trip -plane tkts!-
get up early every day
read Bible/have quiet time every day
find/research small group
find voice teacher
keep food diary
Sunday, August 1, 2010
insomnia
one of the worst parts of insomnia has to be the boredom (which really only adds insult to injury).
like, i don't want to do anything that will get me ramped up physically (like clean) just in case i start getting sleepy. i can't do anything loud 'cause there are sleeping people all over my house. being almost 5am, not many of my friends are online (and the people who don't understand berate me any time i do anything this late anyway). i've watched everything on my dvr, i've watched all the movies in my cabinet, i've memorized all the info-mercials, and there's only so much fanfiction you can read before it starts getting mind-numbing. playing solitaire and bejeweled and anything else you name gets real old real quick. even music, at this point, seems tired, and singing is not advised (again, sleeping people and physical ramp-up).
so occasionally i take to writing. which seems futile and sometimes frustrating.
i "day"dream about things i wish and hope might one day happen, but that just frustrates me further.
i read my Bible and books, but i'm still stuck in bed, so that quickly grows tiresome.
and all the while i can't help but think about this afternoon when it was all i could do to keep my eyes open.
like, seriously??
insomnia needs to die.
like, i don't want to do anything that will get me ramped up physically (like clean) just in case i start getting sleepy. i can't do anything loud 'cause there are sleeping people all over my house. being almost 5am, not many of my friends are online (and the people who don't understand berate me any time i do anything this late anyway). i've watched everything on my dvr, i've watched all the movies in my cabinet, i've memorized all the info-mercials, and there's only so much fanfiction you can read before it starts getting mind-numbing. playing solitaire and bejeweled and anything else you name gets real old real quick. even music, at this point, seems tired, and singing is not advised (again, sleeping people and physical ramp-up).
so occasionally i take to writing. which seems futile and sometimes frustrating.
i "day"dream about things i wish and hope might one day happen, but that just frustrates me further.
i read my Bible and books, but i'm still stuck in bed, so that quickly grows tiresome.
and all the while i can't help but think about this afternoon when it was all i could do to keep my eyes open.
like, seriously??
insomnia needs to die.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
our very own
i don't understand people who become adults and want to live in the same area they grew up in. i mean i guess it's one thing if you grew up in like LA or NYC or i guess really any big city, but the area i grew up in has a population of about 100,000 people.
100,00 people. and it's 2 hours or more to any major metropolitan area. yaaay, Texas.
i'm just never understood that 2.4 kids, house in the suburbs, stay-at-home mom, mini van, dog, white picket fence dream. there's SO much more in the world!! why would you want to stay at home? how would you not go completely crazy knowing there's a whole world out there that you're missing?
this was so my life it's almost not funny. (okay, we didn't have a fence, but i like cliches.) the town i've grown up in is a sweet little place, with history and quirks and small-town charm. but that's kind of the problem, it's a small town. it's so suburban it's disgusting. 95% of our art museums are in classrooms and on refrigerators.
please don't get me wrong, i am so, SO glad that my mom and my sister grew up to achieve their dream, which was to be a stay at home mom. and i am so glad my other sister is achieving her dream. she's going to college to be a chiropractor, and then she's moving back to this area. i'm just saying... i don't get it.
100,00 people. and it's 2 hours or more to any major metropolitan area. yaaay, Texas.
i'm just never understood that 2.4 kids, house in the suburbs, stay-at-home mom, mini van, dog, white picket fence dream. there's SO much more in the world!! why would you want to stay at home? how would you not go completely crazy knowing there's a whole world out there that you're missing?
this was so my life it's almost not funny. (okay, we didn't have a fence, but i like cliches.) the town i've grown up in is a sweet little place, with history and quirks and small-town charm. but that's kind of the problem, it's a small town. it's so suburban it's disgusting. 95% of our art museums are in classrooms and on refrigerators.
please don't get me wrong, i am so, SO glad that my mom and my sister grew up to achieve their dream, which was to be a stay at home mom. and i am so glad my other sister is achieving her dream. she's going to college to be a chiropractor, and then she's moving back to this area. i'm just saying... i don't get it.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
so far away
thinkin' 'bout things i shouldn't be thinkin' 'bout
rememberin' days and years gone by
wishin' i could be there to hug the pain away
it's retarded that i can't be with you tonight
i hate this, bein' away from you,
but bein' with you is so messed up
i love you so much i can't even say
but i know my love'll never be enough
how can we be so far away
yet i'm closer to you than to any one
i wanna be with you when, damnit, i can't
but i'll never give in, i'll never give up
i wish, every day, things were easier for you
you deserve the best, i wish i could give you that
but i hope, in the mean time, that things get better
you're the best, you're the brightest, don't ever give up.
rememberin' days and years gone by
wishin' i could be there to hug the pain away
it's retarded that i can't be with you tonight
i hate this, bein' away from you,
but bein' with you is so messed up
i love you so much i can't even say
but i know my love'll never be enough
how can we be so far away
yet i'm closer to you than to any one
i wanna be with you when, damnit, i can't
but i'll never give in, i'll never give up
i wish, every day, things were easier for you
you deserve the best, i wish i could give you that
but i hope, in the mean time, that things get better
you're the best, you're the brightest, don't ever give up.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
i want to be an actress.
i know that's ridiculous, and i'll definitely post more on this later, but i just wanted to put that out into the universe once and for all.
i've wanted to be on tv since i was 3.
television has always been more than entertainment to me, it's a passion.
i want to be an actress.
i know it's stupid, i know it's crazy, and i know it's not something i'm physically cut out for, but it's what i know, and it's what i love.
i'm going to be an actress.
i know it will take a long time and i'll start out at the very bottom.
i know there will be a lot of rejection and hurt and i'll probably be beat down a lot.
but ultimately i will be working toward my dream.
i will, one day, be an actress.
i've wanted to be on tv since i was 3.
television has always been more than entertainment to me, it's a passion.
i want to be an actress.
i know it's stupid, i know it's crazy, and i know it's not something i'm physically cut out for, but it's what i know, and it's what i love.
i'm going to be an actress.
i know it will take a long time and i'll start out at the very bottom.
i know there will be a lot of rejection and hurt and i'll probably be beat down a lot.
but ultimately i will be working toward my dream.
i will, one day, be an actress.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
i feel...
excited
nervous
happy
sad
angry
confused
frustrated
lonely
surrounded
sympathetic
empathetic
apathetic
betrayed
loved
annoyed
misunderstood
exhausted
scared
ignored
overpowered
justified
accused
berated
bored
overwhelmed
hurt
hopeful
hopeless
open
singular
underwhelmed
closed
empowered
self-righteous
unworthy
talented
talentless
indignant
intelligent
overstimulated
tired
awake
hate
love
amused
bemused
nervous
happy
sad
angry
confused
frustrated
lonely
surrounded
sympathetic
empathetic
apathetic
betrayed
loved
annoyed
misunderstood
exhausted
scared
ignored
overpowered
justified
accused
berated
bored
overwhelmed
hurt
hopeful
hopeless
open
singular
underwhelmed
closed
empowered
self-righteous
unworthy
talented
talentless
indignant
intelligent
overstimulated
tired
awake
hate
love
amused
bemused
Saturday, May 15, 2010
my explanation of the Trinity
this may be fairly elementary and i'd love to hear your thoughts, but God has put this into my conscious twice now so i thought i should write it down.
i am human. this is my species. Yahweh is God. that's His "species".
i am a cheerleader. not every one i know has seen me cheer, and most people would find this hard to believe because they've never seen it with their own eyes, but this is a truth and you may choose to accept it or not.Jesus was a God-man. not every one saw Him walk the earth, and most people would find this hard to believe because they did not see it with their own eyes, but this is a truth and you may choose to accept it or not.
i am an aunt. that is my personal relationship with Colby, Kennedy, and Carlee.the Holy Spirit is God's personal relationship with me.
so... to you, who are much more Biblically knowledgeable than i, what are your thoughts on this??
i am human. this is my species. Yahweh is God. that's His "species".
i am a cheerleader. not every one i know has seen me cheer, and most people would find this hard to believe because they've never seen it with their own eyes, but this is a truth and you may choose to accept it or not.Jesus was a God-man. not every one saw Him walk the earth, and most people would find this hard to believe because they did not see it with their own eyes, but this is a truth and you may choose to accept it or not.
i am an aunt. that is my personal relationship with Colby, Kennedy, and Carlee.the Holy Spirit is God's personal relationship with me.
so... to you, who are much more Biblically knowledgeable than i, what are your thoughts on this??
Monday, April 26, 2010
oh, by the way...
i would like to point out that i am a happy person. most of my posts haven't come across that way lately, but it's true. my family is going through some hard times due to my grandfather's rapid progression of alzheimer's, and this is kind of my place to vent. i've thought about taking down some of my more depressing posts, but they're part of me and they're an expression of my feelings and once i delete them, they'll be gone forever. part of life, i'm learning, is taking the bad times with the good, and being able to look back on both.
so yes. while my mood swings can seem bipolar at times, i am a happy person. i love my God, i love my family/friends, and i love myself. i'm looking forward to the future while trying to make the best of my present. and while i sometimes struggle to see the light through the clouds, my heart is always overflowing with love, and my arms and ears are always open.
...also, i like cliches...
:D
so yes. while my mood swings can seem bipolar at times, i am a happy person. i love my God, i love my family/friends, and i love myself. i'm looking forward to the future while trying to make the best of my present. and while i sometimes struggle to see the light through the clouds, my heart is always overflowing with love, and my arms and ears are always open.
...also, i like cliches...
:D
Sunday, April 18, 2010
i wish
i wish i had the courage to say what i really feel/think/believe.
i wish i knew what courage is.
i wish my life were different.
i wish i could go back and do it all over.
i wish my grandfather weren't slowly dieing.
i wish i had some one to snuggle with at night.
i wish i could sing like kelly clarkson and christina aguilera's lovechild.
i wish i had the body of sarah jessica parker.
i wish i were shorter.
i wish i was living in LA right now.
i wish i had paris hilton's money so i could give it to some one who really needs it.
i wish my dad was happy.
i wish my depression didn't hurt my family.
i wish i liked going to church.
i wish i wasn't so shy.
i wish i wasn't so scared of everything.
i wish my body didn't hurt.
i wish i my heart didn't hurt.
i wish i could write as well as i think.
i wish i could play the piano.
i wish my hands could draw as clearly as my mind sees.
i wish i could speak eloquently instead of tripping over my words.
i wish my shyness didn't put people off.
i wish i could spell.
i wish i could do math.
i wish my sisters liked me as a person.
i wish.
i wish.
i wish.
i wish i knew what courage is.
i wish my life were different.
i wish i could go back and do it all over.
i wish my grandfather weren't slowly dieing.
i wish i had some one to snuggle with at night.
i wish i could sing like kelly clarkson and christina aguilera's lovechild.
i wish i had the body of sarah jessica parker.
i wish i were shorter.
i wish i was living in LA right now.
i wish i had paris hilton's money so i could give it to some one who really needs it.
i wish my dad was happy.
i wish my depression didn't hurt my family.
i wish i liked going to church.
i wish i wasn't so shy.
i wish i wasn't so scared of everything.
i wish my body didn't hurt.
i wish i my heart didn't hurt.
i wish i could write as well as i think.
i wish i could play the piano.
i wish my hands could draw as clearly as my mind sees.
i wish i could speak eloquently instead of tripping over my words.
i wish my shyness didn't put people off.
i wish i could spell.
i wish i could do math.
i wish my sisters liked me as a person.
i wish.
i wish.
i wish.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
life
i have all these amazing opportunities that most people would kill for. i am so blessed and fortunate and whatever the hell else you wanna call it and none of it matters because it's not what i want. i have healthy food on my table and a beautiful roof over my head and my choice of cars to drive. i have a family who loves me and two nieces and a nephew that i adore. i have the essentials to sustain physical life and material blessings beyond that. but aside from my family, i would do without every single one of these things to be persuing my dreams. i would give up food and cars and yes, even a bed if it meant i had a chance to be working in the direction of my passion. as it is, none of the opportunities i have matter to me. and none of them are going to get accomplished because frankly, i just don't give a damn.
and it frusterates me that i'll probably have to do all this unproductive busy work in order to get enough money to go off and work my ass off to get to do what i really want to do, which is more work. it doesn't make sense.
and it frusterates me that i'll probably have to do all this unproductive busy work in order to get enough money to go off and work my ass off to get to do what i really want to do, which is more work. it doesn't make sense.
Monday, April 5, 2010
bubble bath blog
i'm currently sitting in a bubble bath lit by candles listening to good music, texting my best friend, and blogging. *sigh* i love my life...
i went to see the last song with my best friend tonight. it was actually good. there were a couple scenes where the acting could've used work (miley was surprisingly decent, but her co-star, liam hemsworth, came off as a little green), and i called literally every scene, but it was a good, mellow crying movie and i liked it a lot.
then brit and i went to spoons. bad choice letting me know where THAT place is. the yogurt was low-fat, but i'm pretty sure the cookie dough, brownie bits, heath bits, chocolate sauce, and caramel on top of it were not... (i call it 'death by deliciousness'.)
then we went to chick-fil-a because i decided i wanted french fries after my yogert. i ended up getting a kid's meal. fact: bendy straws are SO MUCH KOOLER than regular straws!! oh, and then brit spilled her DP all over my leg. that was cool. only except really. i'm pretty sure i still have like frost bite on my thigh.
then we went to wal-mart in college station, then started driving home. a few random turns later we both looked up and went, "wait, do YOU know where we are?" so we started heading towards some lights and a few seconds later realized it was Kyle Field. yay.
so then i came home and started watching Christian Siriano: having a moment before spilling ice water ALL over me. like seriously, i understand how i got ice in my bra, but i'm still wondering how i got ice down my jeans. oh, and the chair i was sitting on? fully dry.
so that's how i ended up in this lovely, warm bubble bath. i love my life. :D
i went to see the last song with my best friend tonight. it was actually good. there were a couple scenes where the acting could've used work (miley was surprisingly decent, but her co-star, liam hemsworth, came off as a little green), and i called literally every scene, but it was a good, mellow crying movie and i liked it a lot.
then brit and i went to spoons. bad choice letting me know where THAT place is. the yogurt was low-fat, but i'm pretty sure the cookie dough, brownie bits, heath bits, chocolate sauce, and caramel on top of it were not... (i call it 'death by deliciousness'.)
then we went to chick-fil-a because i decided i wanted french fries after my yogert. i ended up getting a kid's meal. fact: bendy straws are SO MUCH KOOLER than regular straws!! oh, and then brit spilled her DP all over my leg. that was cool. only except really. i'm pretty sure i still have like frost bite on my thigh.
then we went to wal-mart in college station, then started driving home. a few random turns later we both looked up and went, "wait, do YOU know where we are?" so we started heading towards some lights and a few seconds later realized it was Kyle Field. yay.
so then i came home and started watching Christian Siriano: having a moment before spilling ice water ALL over me. like seriously, i understand how i got ice in my bra, but i'm still wondering how i got ice down my jeans. oh, and the chair i was sitting on? fully dry.
so that's how i ended up in this lovely, warm bubble bath. i love my life. :D
Sunday, March 14, 2010
wow i wish some one had told me this in middle school...
there's a trait that almost all girls and women possess. we all fall prey to a certain mindset. i don't know if there's a name for this, but there should be. and since "there's no way i'll ever be good enough for that boy but wouldn't it be awesome if he for some reason thought i was syndrome" is a little long, we'll just call it esteem syndrome.
esteem syndrome generally starts around middle school. right around the time when boys start getting interested in girls in that way. that's right, when BOYS start getting interested. because this syndrome has far less to do with what us girls think about boys and far more to do with what they think of us, and what we think of ourselves as a result of that.
now think about the hotshot guy in your grade, school, or organization. you know the one - he thinks he's cute because all the girls want him. and why do all the girls want him? because one or two girls first said he was cute. because one or two girls started pining over him. you think he's SO cute. you imagine him asking you out, imagine him telling you you're beautiful, imagine him paying any attention to you at all. then one day when you drop your book and he picks it up for you, you SWEAR y'all have a moment. he picked up your book! he CARES about you! you're so totally in love with him and he likes you back!! you find out two days later that the period after that he asked another girl out. you're CRUSHED. you thought there was potential there!
okay, so maybe it's not this bad for you, and please don't think i'm trivializing your feelings if it is.
but do this for me. go look at this guy's facebook page. yeah, don't deny it. if you're too shy to have added him already, then you've at least been to his page and know which of your friends you have in common. so go look. just stare at some of his pictures. forget all the hype and what other girls think of him. just analyze his face. okay, and his hair. is he really that cute? that handsome? that DREAMY? is he? for some of you, he genuinely may be. we're all attracted to different things (thank goodness). but for most of us, what's intruiging about this guy is not his looks, but what OTHER people think of his looks.
you say, "well, i don't like him for his looks, anyway. i like him for HIM."
okay. kool. what do you know about him?
"he's a good guy!"
...and...?
"and we share interests! i mean, we're both in band, so we're both musicians and we both like music."
ok. so have you ever practiced with him?
"no."
why not?
"well he plays trumpet."
and you play...?
"...flute."
right. okay. well when's his birthday? does he have any brothers or sisters? what color are his eyes?
"...."
come on. not even his eyes? you just stared at his picture! you were looking at his hair the whole time, weren't you?
see, it's not about him. it's not about love. it's about what you think of yourself. you don't think high enough of yourself. you long for the day when he'll tell you that you're different, better, more important than all the other girls you go to school with.
in fact, and you're not gonna like this, but read it and take it to heart 'cause it's true, there is a very, VERY slim chance that you and he will ever get together. and by slim i mean like none. next to nothing. almost zero.
this breaks your heart, doesn't it? i understand, believe me. we get so encompassed in ourselves in middle and high school that our emotions seem to move the earth at times.
but listen. the ONLY way to prevent this from happening is to stop focusing on how great other people think he is, and focus on how AMAZING you actually are!!
i mean, really. look at you. you're GORGEOUS! smile. DO IT. look at that beautiful smile! it just lights up the room.
YOU have to realize for YOURSELF that you are so uber wonderful. don't wait for some one else to tell you that - you don't need them. they won't all be around you for the rest of your life, but you get to hang out with you 24/7. so tell yourself daily the opposite of the worst thing you think about yourself. write it on your mirror. say it every morning as you brush your teeth.
i'm not saying that by realizing what a catch you are that you're never going to have a crush again. one day you're going to meet a genuinely great, cute guy, and then you're going to meet his genuinely great fiance (or worse, "life partner"). but what you can do is enjoy where you are now. you can walk around your campus with confidence, knowing how stinking awesome you are, and how lucky your future boyfriend/fiance/husband will be. and you can stop worrying about what he thinks of you and just have a great time with your friends!
so stand up tall! look that cutie in the eye and work up the courage to actually say hi to him! focus on you, and what great things you have to offer to the world around you. most importantly, have fun!
esteem syndrome generally starts around middle school. right around the time when boys start getting interested in girls in that way. that's right, when BOYS start getting interested. because this syndrome has far less to do with what us girls think about boys and far more to do with what they think of us, and what we think of ourselves as a result of that.
now think about the hotshot guy in your grade, school, or organization. you know the one - he thinks he's cute because all the girls want him. and why do all the girls want him? because one or two girls first said he was cute. because one or two girls started pining over him. you think he's SO cute. you imagine him asking you out, imagine him telling you you're beautiful, imagine him paying any attention to you at all. then one day when you drop your book and he picks it up for you, you SWEAR y'all have a moment. he picked up your book! he CARES about you! you're so totally in love with him and he likes you back!! you find out two days later that the period after that he asked another girl out. you're CRUSHED. you thought there was potential there!
okay, so maybe it's not this bad for you, and please don't think i'm trivializing your feelings if it is.
but do this for me. go look at this guy's facebook page. yeah, don't deny it. if you're too shy to have added him already, then you've at least been to his page and know which of your friends you have in common. so go look. just stare at some of his pictures. forget all the hype and what other girls think of him. just analyze his face. okay, and his hair. is he really that cute? that handsome? that DREAMY? is he? for some of you, he genuinely may be. we're all attracted to different things (thank goodness). but for most of us, what's intruiging about this guy is not his looks, but what OTHER people think of his looks.
you say, "well, i don't like him for his looks, anyway. i like him for HIM."
okay. kool. what do you know about him?
"he's a good guy!"
...and...?
"and we share interests! i mean, we're both in band, so we're both musicians and we both like music."
ok. so have you ever practiced with him?
"no."
why not?
"well he plays trumpet."
and you play...?
"...flute."
right. okay. well when's his birthday? does he have any brothers or sisters? what color are his eyes?
"...."
come on. not even his eyes? you just stared at his picture! you were looking at his hair the whole time, weren't you?
see, it's not about him. it's not about love. it's about what you think of yourself. you don't think high enough of yourself. you long for the day when he'll tell you that you're different, better, more important than all the other girls you go to school with.
in fact, and you're not gonna like this, but read it and take it to heart 'cause it's true, there is a very, VERY slim chance that you and he will ever get together. and by slim i mean like none. next to nothing. almost zero.
this breaks your heart, doesn't it? i understand, believe me. we get so encompassed in ourselves in middle and high school that our emotions seem to move the earth at times.
but listen. the ONLY way to prevent this from happening is to stop focusing on how great other people think he is, and focus on how AMAZING you actually are!!
i mean, really. look at you. you're GORGEOUS! smile. DO IT. look at that beautiful smile! it just lights up the room.
YOU have to realize for YOURSELF that you are so uber wonderful. don't wait for some one else to tell you that - you don't need them. they won't all be around you for the rest of your life, but you get to hang out with you 24/7. so tell yourself daily the opposite of the worst thing you think about yourself. write it on your mirror. say it every morning as you brush your teeth.
i'm not saying that by realizing what a catch you are that you're never going to have a crush again. one day you're going to meet a genuinely great, cute guy, and then you're going to meet his genuinely great fiance (or worse, "life partner"). but what you can do is enjoy where you are now. you can walk around your campus with confidence, knowing how stinking awesome you are, and how lucky your future boyfriend/fiance/husband will be. and you can stop worrying about what he thinks of you and just have a great time with your friends!
so stand up tall! look that cutie in the eye and work up the courage to actually say hi to him! focus on you, and what great things you have to offer to the world around you. most importantly, have fun!
Monday, February 1, 2010
favorite NCIS moments [WIP]
- the nod Gibbs gives after he said Jen's work proved she should've stayed a field agent (frame-up)
- when Jenny doesn't ask Gibbs to stay the night, but he says no anyway.
- when Ziva and Tony first meet
- when Ziva pulls out a Hebrew copy of GSM
- the look McGee gives after he says he's gonna get a ntterbutter (reunion)
- the smile on Ziva's face when McGee finds her on the bench (reunion)
- the tear on Ziva's cheek when Tony asks if she can fight (TOC)
- the sheer sex in Tony's voice when he describes the F-22 raptors (TOC)
- every time Gibbs and Abby sign to each other
- every time Tony busts down a door
- when saleem dies
- every time Gibbs kisses Abby
- when Abby points to Chip, tied up on the floor
- when McGee stands down a car speeding directly at him (Jet Lag)
- the emergency blow on Sub Rosa
- when Tony says he loves Jeanne, and means it
- those two seconds in the closet in Cloak
- every time Gibbs hugs Ziva
- when Ziva goes through 3 marines before it takes an additional three to take her down (cloak)
- when Jenny walks down the stairs in that dress
- when Gibbs shoots the propane tank and blows up the trailer
- when Kate stays with Tony even though she's not infected
- when Kate gives Gibbs the "explicit" letters to read
- the 5 whole seconds it takes for Ziva to kiss Tony on the cheek
- when the marines come into view at Arlington
- when Gibbs first meets Shannon
- every time Gibbs sands the wood of his latest boat
- every tangeant Ducky goes on
- all the inadvertently inappropriate comments Jimmy makes
- when Ziva licks Tony
- when the FBI agents tell Tim that Tony and Ziva went all the way and he doesn't believe it (Under Covers)
- when Kate dances with Corp. Yost
- every time Tony checks out Ziva's ass
- when Col. Mann checks out Gibb's ass
- when Gibbs checks out Col. Mann's ass.
- every time Jimmy and Michelle are together
- when Michelle dies
- when the kid beats Tony's high score in movie trivia
- when Ziva worries about Tony having a y-pestis relapse
- when every one thinks Tony is dead
- when Tony thinks Ziva is dead
- when Tim and Abby were a couple
- every time Abby hugs some one until they can't breathe
- when Tony calls McGee "kid" (Dead Man Talking)
- the first time Tim accidentally calls Tony "boss"
- when Tony is macking on the FBI agent and Ziva walks in and tells him she's pregnant (under covers)
- when Ziva cleans her nails with her knife
- when Ziva practices her knife-throwing
- every time Tony mentions his twitter account
- when Tony and McGee sing the entire intro to "dueling banjos"
- when Tony is in charge of the case and Gibbs goes on that long rant and Ziva and Tim just stare at him
- when Ducky flips on all the x-ray viewers by running his hand along the switches
- when Ziva chews on her finger and stares at Tony in Jack Knife
- when Ziva tries to be all macho trucker woman [and fails]
- when Werth pops off a bottle cap with a gun
- when Abby detonates the simulae bomb and McGee falls off the chair
- the way Gibbs acts like a probie when he's around Franks in hiatus part 2
- those puppydog eyes Ziva gives the boss when she asks, "want me to join you?" in agent afloat
Thursday, January 21, 2010
cheers, Kennedy.
okay. a little backstory for those of you who have never been to my house before: to get to the shower [upstairs] i have to go through the spare room at the end of the hall. while this room has been many things over the years, it has turned mostly into a stuff room. it doubles, however, as Kennedy's (my 2-year-old niece's) room when she and her brother and sister sleep over.
so i'm walking to the shower holding a candle (long story) and for some reason look down into Kennedy's bed. i literally jumped when i saw a small, blonde child laying in the bed.
Kennedy has this doll. it has blonde hair and looks like, well, a baby doll. apparently, one of the things Kennedy likes to play with this doll is naptime.
moral of this story: freaky baby dolls are SO much scarier than clowns!!!
so i'm walking to the shower holding a candle (long story) and for some reason look down into Kennedy's bed. i literally jumped when i saw a small, blonde child laying in the bed.
Kennedy has this doll. it has blonde hair and looks like, well, a baby doll. apparently, one of the things Kennedy likes to play with this doll is naptime.
moral of this story: freaky baby dolls are SO much scarier than clowns!!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
determination
i am determined that i will not live "under the circumstances" this year. i will not just "go with the flow" or say "it is what it is". i will make what i want of each hour, each day, and each month. i will determine my own successes and attitudes, and take responsibility for my failures and wrongdoings. i will not make excuses, nor will i shrug blame, but will instead own up to my errors. i will work each day to make the next day better, easier, and healthier. i will be conscious of my decisions and their effects. i will live my life according to the Word and His will, not by man's standards. i will work constantly towards His plan for me.
i will live for God and only God.
i will live for God and only God.
Friday, January 1, 2010
new years resolutions
ok, so i know it's cliche, and a few years ago i swore that i'd never make another NYR, but i'm doing it anyway.
- go to "big" church at least twice a month (even if it's not my own)
- tithe
- contribute to the 365 project regularly (once a week, starting the week i get back to Texas)
- lose at least 1.5 lbs/week until i'm down to my ideal weight (125 lbs) the healthy way.
- dress every day like the Sartorialist is following me
- make enough money to pay for my own rent (including down payment)
- complete a children's book and attempt to have it published
- put my music in front of ears that can make something of it
- blog at least once a week
- complain less and be more consciously aware of my blessings
- make life easier/better for some one else
- live without fear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)