my favorite NCIS quotes [WIP]

Gibbs

• Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.
• Miracles take hard work, Commander.
• And do turn up the charm, Ziva David, you're a geek, not mentally deranged.
• Close your eyes. You feel the wood? You don't get a sensation like that from a power tool.

Tony

• So this nutjob was running through the mess hall, and he's completely naked, which is weird...
• I hate it when you don't know what you're looking for but it might kill you if you find it.
• I think you're confusing me with some one far less awesome.
• No one has teeth that white unless they have something to hide.
• I'm proud of you, like a weird uncle.
• I AM the American Dream!
• *grabs Mcgee through the bars* Prison changes a man.
• Ya know, in Arabic the word for desert is sahara, so Sahara Desert is actually desert desert. Lotta sand.
• We fail to contact Dubai, word gets to the carrier group in the Med and they scramble F-22 Raptors that... burn sand into glass!
• I had a hampster named Ferrari.
• Take a breath, have a keyboard.
• When the going gets tough, the tough go clubbing.
• Big "D", little "i", big "N", little "ozzo".
• My fingers are finging.
• But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
• The flaw in the plan... was the plan. But I got another plan to end it.
• It's not really a party 'till the bomb squad says it is.
• Ya know, since I'm here, it's a shame to waste me, I vote for a group bath.
• We were just, uh, eavesdropping like little girls.
• He called his own tip hotline. I'm starting to like this guy.
• They look funny with clothes on.
• I love you, boss.
  

Ziva

• You think this is a dwinka-kwink?
• I do not understand. If you want some one dead, you knock on their door, they answer, you shoot them. Easy.
• We have been instructed to sit on the baby.
• Tony, your dieing words will be, "I've seen this film".
• Some one will die today.
• "DiNozzo-itis?" Sounds veneral.
• You might want to do something about your hair, its sticking up like a porcu-swine....wrong word...like a porc- porcu-pig...no, the little animal with the little spikies...
• To dry-eyed mice!

Abby

• And I finally watched Titanic. It sinks at the end. Very weird.
• But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! Which I guess I could also understand. I mean he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death... alrght, I'll give you that one.
• *points to Chip, tied up on the floor* Now can I work alone?
• Good news and bad news, Gibbs. Good news is, I'm still cute. Bad news? The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy...
• Sailor on the half-shell!
• Abby has to pee.
• Fantasize later, Hemingway.
• Somebody needs a Happy Meal...
• Good dog. BAD McGee!
• Ecuatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.
• You’re not listening to a word I’m saying. I’m pregnant, McGee. Twins. Haven’t told the father yet…it’s Gibbs. I know it’s wrong but something about his silver hair just gets me all tingly inside.
• You may be smart, but my geek carries a gun!

McGee

• I've been thinking about buying some tight, red leather pants, something that really cradles my butt...
• And I'm gonna go do that... after I get... a nutter butter... >.>
• I'm gonna go... get... a haircut... >.>
• Why are you showing me mold porn?
• That IS a pretty sophisticated grammital differentiation.
• Yeah, it's funny 'till some one plunges to their death.
  

Palmer (Jimmy)

• It's not likely he was shot by a bird.
• I think she got off on the fumes!

Ducky

• We do not guess, Timothy. Nor do we assume, presume, conjecture or prognosticate.
• Danger, intrigue, a damsel in distress, I'm actually looking forward to it!

Fornell

• Try not to look so chipper. *drinks coffee* Alright, go.
• You got that mustache in a box, don't you?
• Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you.
• I don't know who you lie to, being the bottom of the armed Fed food chain... and not married.
• And people say WE'RE bastards.

Jenny

• Jethro always did like redheads...

Lee

• PS, I don't know where YOUR SIG is, but I'M having trouble walking...

Gibbs: ...ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill.
Jenny: So is castration.
Gibbs: I wear a cup.

Ziva: Uno mas, s'il vous plaît!
OMC: You're mixing your languages.
Ziva: And my liquors.

McGee: She'll call when she's ready.
Tony: Last time I said that I ended up tied to a chair in north Africa.

Tony: I thought you were supposed to be dead, Fornell.
Fornell: I got better.

Tony: I thought they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Kate: That's because the king only had horses and men.

Gibbs: The director just assured the Secretary of the Navy we were handling this thing with kid gloves.
Abby: Well we didn't get that memo. Cause, ya know, we're wearing latex.

Abby: Just sit back and let the scientists-
McGee: Kick all kinds of major ass.

Tony: Curious to know what follows red light behavior, Ziva?
Ziva: Uhhhh, potential pregnancy?

Gibbs: *blows the crap outta some guy and his trailor*
Tony: I think ya got 'im, boss.

Tony: The Eraser!
McGee: What movie is that from?
Tony: Oh, I don't know, Flashdance?

Kate: Why do you need two "B"s?
Gibbs: The second one's for "bastard".

Tony: Twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody understands again!
McGee: The GPS co-ordinates came bundled in a proprietary packet. Since it was a beta, I thought-
Gibbs: I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee

Fornell: This is a big deal for you, isn't it, letting me drive your car?
Gibbs: Ah, whatever. You already slept with my wife.

Fornell: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Gibbs: Oh, only slightly more than a lot.

Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible, I do not remember all their names. *shrugs*

Ziva: I do have feelings, though I do not express myself the way Abby does.
Tim: No one expresses himself the way Abby does.

Tony: I gotta write a book.
Gibbs: You should read one, first.

Abby: Who's a good Jethro?
Gibbs: I'm a good Jethro.

OMC: You're under arrest.
Gibbs: For what?
OMC: For pissing off the FBI.
Gibbs: Get used to it!

Abby: No plan, just go. Find along the way. If you look for something specific-
McGee: Then there's only one right answer.

Abby: Internet romances never work out.
Tony: They all end in attempted murder, Abby?
Abby: Only the really hot ones, Tony.

Kate: The only thing running through your blood, Tony, is cholesterol. And possibly chlamydia.
Tony: 's curable.

Tim: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: You all are.

Ziva: Toda.
Tony: Prego.

Gibbs: Not an accident.
Abby: Not unless the Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.

Abby: Thank you, sir.
Gibbs: Don't call me sir.
Abby: Thank you, ma'am.

Gibbs: No one is going to hurt you, Abby.
Abby: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Gibbs: Did it?
Abby: ...Yeah. Can you say it again?
Gibbs: Nobody's gonna hurt you, Abs.

Tony: This looks like a nice place, doesn't it, honey?
McGee: Sure does, sweetcheeks.

what it means to be Christian

this was originally written by an author i recently ran into on fanfiction.net. here is her profile:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1293976/rainpaint

First and foremost, I am a Christian. I realize that that simple fact puts me at odds with some people, but let me try to explain what that means, in a way you might not have considered before.
People say, "If God is love, then He won't send people to hell. He will accept me." I won't argue with the first part. God is love. God is gracious. God is merciful. But God is also holy. He is just. He is righteous. He can't have anything to do with sin, or He would be denying Who He is. "God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." (1 John 1:5, NIV)
"But I'm a good person. I try my best. God has to see that."
All right, but what about this? Isaiah 64:6 says that "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags." Romans 3:11-12 and 23 say, "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one...For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (NIV)
We can't make it on our own. A holy God demands perfection, and no matter how hard we try, we can't be perfect. It's like trying to jump the Grand Canyon. You might have someone who can jump, say, her 5'3 1/2" height. And that's good - but she didn't reach the other side. You might have a guy who can jump nearly seven feet - an excellent jump, but he still didn't make it. You could bring in the best Olympic jumper, and he could jump 20 feet. But even he didn't get to the other side. There has to be a bridge.
"But God demonstrated His own love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8, NIV). I once heard Louie Giglio, an amazing speaker, explain it this way: "This is where the holiness of God and the love of God collide." God loves us. He wants to restore the relationship between us. So He, in His perfect love and holiness, sent His Son Jesus to die for us.
Jesus is the way to be forgiven. Jesus is the way to be saved. Jesus is the way to have a right relationship with God. Jesus is the way to be set free.
You might say, "How can you say that Jesus is the only way? He can't be the only way. That's intolerant!" Well, He claimed to be "the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." (John 14:6, NIV). I'm only repeating what He said. And He also said, "...wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (Matthew 7:13-14, NIV)
So you might call me intolerant...narrow-minded...hateful. "Everyone should just be free to believe whatever they want to believe. You've got to just leave people alone; that's love." No, that's being a coward. That's like seeing someone speeding toward the edge of a cliff and not warning him. That's like seeing someone in a burning house and not going in to rescue him.
Hell is real. It is an unimaginably horrible place. It's blacker than the darkest black you can imagine...lonelier than the deepest loneliness you've ever felt...more painful than the worst pain you've ever experienced. Because God is not there. It is a place of total separation from God, a place where God is completely absent.
It's not a popular thing to say. It's not a warm, fuzzy, make-you-feel-good message. But it's true. And I'm telling you this because I don't want you to go there. And you don't have to. God in His just holiness must punish sin, but He in his just love sent His Son to die on the cross, in our place. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16, NIV) Jesus conquered sin and death through His death and resurrection. Through Him we can be set free from sin and be restored to a right relationship with God - not because of anybody you are or anything you've done, but because of Who He is and what He has done.
This gift is yours for the taking. It's free - you can't earn it. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6:23, NIV) Another speaker I once heard, Bob Lenz, put it this way: "Grace is a gift, not a paycheck." Louie Giglio said, "Grace is God at work doing what I can't do." Ephesians 2:8-9 sums it up quite nicely: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." (NIV)
So how do you get this gift - this grace? Just reach out and take it. Tell God that you believe that He sent His Son to die for you - tell Him that you know that you're a sinner and need Jesus. He won't turn you away. "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His Name, He gave the right to become children of God." (John 1:12, NIV)
Sin is real. Hell is real. But God is real. His justice and love are real. His gift of salvation through His Son Jesus is real.
God will never, ever leave you - never, ever forsake you. He always keeps His promises. Nothing can separate you from His love, and His faithfulness reaches to the skies. The Christian life isn't all "sunshine and daisies," but it's good. God gives you strength for every difficulty, hope in the midst of deepest despair, and comfort during grief.
1 Corinthians 2:9 - "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." (NIV)
Ephesians 3:20-21 - "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (NIV)
Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (NIV)

girl language

it occurs to me that guys think girls are complicated. usually, we're telling you exactly what we want, you just don't always understand it. so here's a little guide to what we say or do, and what that means.

when i walk away, i want you to follow me.
when i shut you out, i want you to fight for me.
when you know something's wrong, but i say it's "fine", i want you to ask me again.
when i'm upset and i cross my arms, i want you to hug me.
when i'm angry and i cross my arms, fix whatever you did wrong real quick.
when i cry, i want you to hug me. you don't have to say anything, just hug me.
when i say my neck hurts, i want you to rub it.
when i say i'm cold, i want you to give me your jacket or put your arm around me.
when i say i don't want to talk about it, i don't want to talk about it (but ask me again anyway, just to be sure).
when i make an effort (and ESPECIALLY if i ask you about it), i want you to say something, and be enthusiastic about it.
when you think something good about me, say it.
when i hang out with you and your friends and they start razzing on me, i want you to stand up for me.
when i swoon over that celebrity, don't take it personally, he'll never be as handsome as you, i promise.
when i go on about how beautiful that actress is, it's not always because i'm after a compliment (but it's still nice to hear).
when i self-depricate, the best thing to do is make a joke about it.
when i say i need chocolate, it's as real a need as water. give me chocolate.
when i say something's gross (like your farts), it's gross. and no, i'm not going to learn to love it.
when i cry at a sad/happy/romantic/completelyrandom movie, it's because i need to cry. no, i'm not weird.
when i obsess over things, it'll pass eventually. please be patient, and DON'T tell me to calm down or get over it. (you will be slapped.)
when i explain the drama i'm going through with my friends, i want you to be on my side. period.
and when i tell you i love you, i mean it.