revelation

i'm never going to be good enough.
i've always heard people talk, from a Christian standpoint, about God bringing your significant other into your life when you're satisfied with Him or when you're content enough or "Christian enough" or whatever.
so i've tried, my whole life, to be content with the fact that i'm single. and to be calm and patient and satisfied and perfect and whatever. but the fact is, i'm never going to be good enough, and, dangit, i don't have to be!!
if i had to be good enough to receive grace, there's no way i'd be saved. if i had to be "Christian enough" to be accepted in my church, i'd be a total outcast. and if i had to look perfect ALL the time, i would have no friends.
so here, i'm going to say what i've been denying for a long time: sometimes it really, REALLY sucks to be single! i outright hate it at times. friends and family are no replacement for a husband. and that's fine, they aren't supposed to be.
now tomorrow i'm going to go right back to being content and patient, but for tonight i'm going to admit that while i know Love, i'm still waiting for my love. and i'm going to revel in the freeing fact that i'm never going to be good enough. i'm never going to be perfect. but one day [and dear Lord, please, oh PLEASE let it be soon!], God will bring me some one who will love me for the beautiful woman God has made me.
and yes, i will work, all my life, to be more Christ-like. but i don't have to be all the way there right now in order to be loved. and praise God all the more for it!