i have all these amazing opportunities that most people would kill for. i am so blessed and fortunate and whatever the hell else you wanna call it and none of it matters because it's not what i want. i have healthy food on my table and a beautiful roof over my head and my choice of cars to drive. i have a family who loves me and two nieces and a nephew that i adore. i have the essentials to sustain physical life and material blessings beyond that. but aside from my family, i would do without every single one of these things to be persuing my dreams. i would give up food and cars and yes, even a bed if it meant i had a chance to be working in the direction of my passion. as it is, none of the opportunities i have matter to me. and none of them are going to get accomplished because frankly, i just don't give a damn.
and it frusterates me that i'll probably have to do all this unproductive busy work in order to get enough money to go off and work my ass off to get to do what i really want to do, which is more work. it doesn't make sense.