watch it, mister.

being a woman is NOT a weakness. and using phrases like "man up" or "grow a pair" just propagates that myth. i'm not a feminist, but i still take pride in being a STRONG woman. DON'T underestimate me - i fight like a GIRL.

DVR Psalms

TV. the dirtiest of addictive drugs.
JAG
ALIAS
Numb3rs
In Plain Sight
House, M.D.
The West Wing
and now...
Lie to Me
my shows. my drug. my addiction.
the drama! the action!
the unimaginably gorgeous actors, and the characters that make them attractive!
AH! i love it.


it is now 5:34 in the morning, and i have been trying to clear out my DVR since 9. the only problem is, i haven't been able to delete like anything i've watched! it's all been too good!! just when you think the two characters (who clearly should have been attached at the hip from the moment they met) are going to be together... one of them gets kidnapped, or remembers that they serve in the same chain of command, or that one of them calls the other "boss". UGH!! it's so indescribably frusterating yet somehow exhilerating!! i can't put into words what it's like as your whole body tenses, breath held, waiting for their lips to meet... and then *GASP* some one pulls away or screams in terror or... whatever! your body and mind release, yet you grasp for an explanation. your eyes, ears, and heart all search frantically for answers... what's wrong? how can it be fixed?? it... AHH!!! i can't... even... form sentences!!

GAH!!!!!

i don't know. i think i need an intervention. but i'm not ready to change yet so it wouldn't work anyway (thank you, A&E). i just... GAH! i need another high! but i'm all out!! i've seen everything dramatic in my DVR at least once. ahh! i'm like freakin out, here!!


whooooo. ok, breathe..... i am OKAY. at least i will be.

blahhhhh i have this meeting in the morning. and i can't just not go, cause i'm representing some one else. blahhhh. whatev. OK so i'm going to go take a shower (now that it's 5:45) and think about the mind-blowing awesomeness that makes up my DVR list.

we'll call this a "blogette".

currently listening to: "Finally" by Fergie
current mood: asleep

i'll make this short 'cause i'm falling asleep on my keyboard and i gotta get to napping if i'm gonna do it. i just wanted to jot down a couple things to blog about later.

1. the west wing - my new favorite obsession. holyfreakingcow it's amazing.
2. puppies - i had a dream last night that i got a dalmation puppy and now i have this insatiable urge to cuddle with something small and furry.
3. 17 again - holyfriggenSQUEE. more on that later.
4. niece and nephew's bd party - i.e., the reason i'm not fully blogging right now.
5. house - need i say more?
6. JAG - "white uniform and gold wings" HECK. YES.
7. "doubt" - oooooh, good movie...
8. the impact House, JAG, and The West Wing have had on my iTunes account - yay youtube & fanfiction.
9. twitter - yay
10. facebook - boo.

"By Your Side" Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
I'll never let you go

random rant

current mood: insomniac-ish
currently watching: SouthLAnd

ok. WHY are all the cute actors like way older than me?? i looked up this guy, Benjamin McKenzie, expecting for him to be like 25 or something. he's THIRTY-ONE!! SO not fair!! ok, so me being 19, even if he was like 25 that'd still be a stretch [oh yeah, not to mention he's an actor], but 31?!? once again, SO. NOT. FAIR. geez. my sister talks about how much it sucks to get old [at all of 26 years of age, might i add], but if there's any upside to getting "older", it's that the guys get cuter. i'm sorry, but most teenage guys just aren't that cute. and the ones who are are either stupid/immature, into drugs, or gay. SO not joking. ugh. do they get cuter as they get older or did cuteness just skip my generation???

hardcore House fans STAY AWAY!! spoilers (for Simple Explanation) that will ruin your LIFE.

warning: if you are a fan of House, DO NOT read this!!!







i'm serious.







the whole thing is one big spoiler.







and i mean big.







like knowing the end of season 4 times like 20.







if you don't know the end of season 4, then you're not a hardcore fan, so you can read this.







*SPOILER*
if you're a grief counselor, i'm probably gonna need you about this time next week.







I DON'T WANT CAMERON TO DIE!!!!!!! and i can list about a dozen reasons why i'm sure it's going to be her. and the episode where "some one" is going to die is next week. NEXT WEEK! only about 160 hours from now! (and, no joke, if that episode for some reason doesn't record, i'm seriously going to go postal on direcTV's collective ass!!) i'm so... i'm not ready to handle this. i seriously feel like i'm losing a personal friend. i may have to go back to my therapist in order to get over this. only i'm not joking or being over-dramatic. i've literally been through 4 of the 5 stages of grief. the only one i haven't gotten to yet is acceptance. i'm currently wobbling between denial: "no. it was leaked incorrectly and it's not really gonna happen. none of the main characters are going to die!!!", and bargaining: "please, PLEASE, let it be ANY ONE besides Cameron!! i could almost take even Cuddy or 13, almost. just please, NOT CAMERON!!"
i had almost gotten over it and was simply excited about having a new episode for the first time in 2 weeks, but then the preview came on for next week's episode. i started sobbing. "no. no! please, NO!!" my chest was heaving and tears stung my eyes. i think i'm still in denial enough that i didn't completely fall apart, but i feel absolutely sick to my stomach. and that happens every time i think about Cameron dieing.

ok. reasons i think it's Cameron:
1. she's like never on the show anyway, so it would make sense, out of all the actors, that Jennifer would be the one to leave
2. katie jacobson [writer/creator] said the cast would look "pretty much the same next season" and, as i said before, Cameron is never there.
3. they've already said that chase [jesse spencer] would be on practically every episode next season. dealing with losing his girlfriend by hanging around House & his team too much, maybe?
4. Jennifer and Jesse were engaged, but called off the wedding a couple years ago. they constantly told the press they were fine with still working with each other, but maybe that was just a cover up...?
5. Cameron has basically run her course in terms of the show. she's not progressing anything any more. from a writing standpoint, it's basically time for her to leave. (why couldn't she just frikken CHANGE HOSPITALS?!?)
6. it doesn't make sense that any of the other characters leave - they're all still buried in plot lines (except for Chase, which, if his girlfriend dies - dut duh duh DAH - new storyline).
7. it doesn't make sense that any of the other actors leave. [see 1, 5, & 6]
8. on the teaser for next week, they showed foreman and 13 holding hands (standing up) so it's not either of them.
9. they showed house, wilson, cuddy, and Cameron individually gasping in surprise. it's a definite probability that they would show whoever dies alive in order to throw off the audience. and considering that none of the other three could POSSIBLY leave without the show basically ending... well... you get the picture.
10. they DIDN'T show chase. possibly because he'll spend next episode crying the whole time? that would give it away.
11. they also didn't show kutner or taub. those are the two people who have the least connection with Cameron, and would therefore have the mildest reactions.

reasons it's no one else:
1. it can't be taub - the writers have worked too hard backing him into corners that would force him off the show to actually kick him off. (or at least to kill him off. that would be too easy.)
2. katy jacobs said it wasn't any one obvious, so it can't be House or 13, the two characters who have the most to die for.
3. it can't be cuddy - they've built up this relationship between her and house for about 2 years now. besides, she's too integral to the show. i mean if there's a new dean of medicine, House is gone.
4. it can't be wilson - Hugh once said that the story is basically able to be told because of Wilson. and he's right. but that's another unimaginably long post.
5. it can't be kutner - he always comes up with the things House doesn't.
6. it can't be foreman - a) the writers worked too hard to keep him in the fellowship to kick him off the show. b) 13's story is tragic enough, there's no way she would also lose the man who's in love with her.
7. it can't be chase - they already said Jesse would be back every episode next season.
8. it can't be house - well DUH.

so yeah. if not Cameron, then who?
holy crap i'm depressed now.
oh, and please don't tell me to "relax, it's only a TV show". i know that. and i don't care.

thank you and sleep well. God knows i won't.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

currently [not] reading: houseisright.com
mood: OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!!

OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm like so freaking out right now!!!
okay.

breathe.



whoo.

so i have the houseisright.com RSS feed on my homepage, and today i saw something on there that i wish i hadn't seen. and now i'm absolutely gonna CRY!! only i'm not joking. i'm like seriously tearing up. go read if you want, but be warned, it's a serious spoiler. i don't read spoilers, but the title was a spoiler. and i didn't want to read it if it was a spoiler, so i made my sister go read it for me. she said it was a huge spoiler, so i didn't read it. but she did read me some parts of it.

anyway, if you do go read it, i'm like 95% sure i know who it is.


BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
^that was me crying.