"One day you're going to want that girl, that girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl that believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who saw your flaws, but valued them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else will ever appreciate in the same way. The girl who realized she may never have had your heart, but will never regret a day where you were the only thing she wanted. The girl that should have had you but didn't, even though she deserved it."
[source]
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Death
It's a weird feeling when a family member dies. It's not just grief, it's a sadness that consumes every cell in your body and you can feel it in your fingertips and on the soles of your feet.
When the person has been sick for a while there's always a small sense of relief. But mostly there's a shock at the knowledge that the world can still exist without that person in it. From however far away you are, you seem to be able to feel the loss of their soul. The world is forever changed by them no longer being in it.
When the person has been sick for a while there's always a small sense of relief. But mostly there's a shock at the knowledge that the world can still exist without that person in it. From however far away you are, you seem to be able to feel the loss of their soul. The world is forever changed by them no longer being in it.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
no really, i'm THIS bored.
1. Last beverage: water.
2. Last phone call: recieved: tina sent: mom.
3. Last text message: tina.
4. Last song you heard: raise your glass, p!ink.
5. Last time you cried: i think it was saturday.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: no.
7. Been cheated on: no.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yes.
9. Lost someone special: yes.
10. Been depressed: yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: no.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. purple.
13. pink.
14. Aggie maroon.
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: many.
16. Fallen out of love: little bit.
17. Laughed until you cried: i've only done that like twice in my life. laughed until i couldn't breathe, definitely.
18. Met someone who changed you: um, maybe not met so much as gotten to know better.
19. Found out who your true friends were: definitely.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: HAHA. yes.
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list: kissed some one who USED to be on my friends list.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all but about 4.
23. How many kids do you want?: eh. 2.
24. Do you have any pets: i keep my sister's dog while she's away at college.
25. Do you want to change your name: i would really love to change my last name to that of my spouse's. :)
26. What did you do for your last birthday: umm, there was family involved...? that was 9 months ago. i don't remember.
27. What time did you wake up? haha, like 4-ish. hmm, maybe that's why i can't get to sleep... :)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night? driving around.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for? going to disneyworld!!
30. Last time you saw your mother: 5-ish hours ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i really can't pick just one.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: thomas.
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: myself.
35. Most visited website: facebook. it's a drug and i'm addicted.
36. Whats your real name: Katrina Stephenson
37. Nicknames: kat
38. Relationship Status: perpetually single
39. Zodiac sign: [this is the dawning of the age of] aquarius
40. Male or female: female
41. Primary School: i really don't think i should give out this information over the internet.
42. Secondary School: see previous.
43. High school: bryan high.
44. Hair color: red.
45. Long or short: long.
46. Height: short enough.
47. Age: 20.
48: What do you like about yourself?: i'm a pretty good listener when i need to be, and i'm told i have nice legs. :)
49. Piercings: none.
50: Tattoos: none.
51. Righty or lefty: righty.
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: i was born by c-section. other than that, none.
53. First piercing: n/a
54. First best friend: marilee fenn.
55. First sport you joined: t-ball. ohh, those were the days. :)
56. First vacation: washington d.c. - 18mos old.
58. First pair of trainers: i do not remember.
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: nothing.
60. Drinking: nothing.
61. I'm about to: go watch tv if i can't get to sleep.
62. Listening to: my fan.
63. Waiting for: REM.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: if my spouse would like them.
65. Get married?: yes.
66. Career: actress?
67. Lips or eyes: eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: taller.
70. Older or Younger: older, for sure.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneously romantic.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: ooh, that's a tough one. gonna have to go with arms, though.
73. Sensitive or loud: not too sensitive and not too quiet.
74. Hook-up or relationship: if you're lookin' for thrills, then get cold feet. oh, no, i do not hook up.
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: yes.
79. Ridden a Roller Coaster: *shudders* yes. never again.
80. Broken someone's heart: not that i know of.
82. Been arrested: no.
83. Turned someone down: yes.
84. Cried when someone died: yes.
85. Fallen for a friend: not really.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: haha. i'm workin' on it.
88. Love at first sight: no. not at all, not even a little bit.
89. Heaven: yes.
90. Santa Claus: heck yes.
91. The Easter Bunny: not so much.
92. Angels: yes!
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no.
95. Did you sing today?: yes.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: no.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: 6th grade. oh my goodness, i'd do EVERYTHING differently.
98. The moment you would choose to relive?: too many to chose!
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: sometimes.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: i'm not afraid to, but i'm not going to either.
2. Last phone call: recieved: tina sent: mom.
3. Last text message: tina.
4. Last song you heard: raise your glass, p!ink.
5. Last time you cried: i think it was saturday.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: no.
7. Been cheated on: no.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yes.
9. Lost someone special: yes.
10. Been depressed: yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: no.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. purple.
13. pink.
14. Aggie maroon.
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: many.
16. Fallen out of love: little bit.
17. Laughed until you cried: i've only done that like twice in my life. laughed until i couldn't breathe, definitely.
18. Met someone who changed you: um, maybe not met so much as gotten to know better.
19. Found out who your true friends were: definitely.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: HAHA. yes.
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list: kissed some one who USED to be on my friends list.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all but about 4.
23. How many kids do you want?: eh. 2.
24. Do you have any pets: i keep my sister's dog while she's away at college.
25. Do you want to change your name: i would really love to change my last name to that of my spouse's. :)
26. What did you do for your last birthday: umm, there was family involved...? that was 9 months ago. i don't remember.
27. What time did you wake up? haha, like 4-ish. hmm, maybe that's why i can't get to sleep... :)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night? driving around.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for? going to disneyworld!!
30. Last time you saw your mother: 5-ish hours ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i really can't pick just one.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: thomas.
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: myself.
35. Most visited website: facebook. it's a drug and i'm addicted.
36. Whats your real name: Katrina Stephenson
37. Nicknames: kat
38. Relationship Status: perpetually single
39. Zodiac sign: [this is the dawning of the age of] aquarius
40. Male or female: female
41. Primary School: i really don't think i should give out this information over the internet.
42. Secondary School: see previous.
43. High school: bryan high.
44. Hair color: red.
45. Long or short: long.
46. Height: short enough.
47. Age: 20.
48: What do you like about yourself?: i'm a pretty good listener when i need to be, and i'm told i have nice legs. :)
49. Piercings: none.
50: Tattoos: none.
51. Righty or lefty: righty.
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: i was born by c-section. other than that, none.
53. First piercing: n/a
54. First best friend: marilee fenn.
55. First sport you joined: t-ball. ohh, those were the days. :)
56. First vacation: washington d.c. - 18mos old.
58. First pair of trainers: i do not remember.
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: nothing.
60. Drinking: nothing.
61. I'm about to: go watch tv if i can't get to sleep.
62. Listening to: my fan.
63. Waiting for: REM.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: if my spouse would like them.
65. Get married?: yes.
66. Career: actress?
67. Lips or eyes: eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: taller.
70. Older or Younger: older, for sure.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneously romantic.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: ooh, that's a tough one. gonna have to go with arms, though.
73. Sensitive or loud: not too sensitive and not too quiet.
74. Hook-up or relationship: if you're lookin' for thrills, then get cold feet. oh, no, i do not hook up.
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: yes.
79. Ridden a Roller Coaster: *shudders* yes. never again.
80. Broken someone's heart: not that i know of.
82. Been arrested: no.
83. Turned someone down: yes.
84. Cried when someone died: yes.
85. Fallen for a friend: not really.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: haha. i'm workin' on it.
88. Love at first sight: no. not at all, not even a little bit.
89. Heaven: yes.
90. Santa Claus: heck yes.
91. The Easter Bunny: not so much.
92. Angels: yes!
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no.
95. Did you sing today?: yes.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: no.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: 6th grade. oh my goodness, i'd do EVERYTHING differently.
98. The moment you would choose to relive?: too many to chose!
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: sometimes.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: i'm not afraid to, but i'm not going to either.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
1 Corinthians 8-10 (NIV)
8
2The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
3But the man who loves God is known by God.
5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), 6yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.
12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.
9
2The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
3But the man who loves God is known by God.
5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), 6yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.
12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.
9
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (NIV)
24-25You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally. 26-27I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself. (The Message)
10
1For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. 2They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. 3They all ate the same spiritual food 4and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. 5Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.6Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did.
11-12These are all warning markers—danger!—in our history books, written down so that we don't repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel—they at the beginning, we at the end—and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence. (The Message)
12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
20No, but the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons. 21You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons.
24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God
Thursday, September 30, 2010
1 Corinthians 5-7 [The Message]
ch. 5
vs. 9-13
I wrote you in my earlier letter that you shouldn't make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous. I didn't mean that you should have nothing at all to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with crooks, whether blue or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You'd have to leave the world entirely to do that! But I am saying that you shouldn't act as if everything is just fine when a friend who claims to be a Christian is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can't just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior. I'm not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don't we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers? God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house.
ch. 6
vs. 18-20 (NIV)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
ch. 7
vs. 17 [i hate this verse]
And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.
vs. 20-24
Stay where you were when God called your name. Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don't mean you're stuck and can't leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. I'm simply trying to point out that under your new Master you're going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you'll experience a delightful "enslavement to God" you would never have dreamed of. All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.
vs. 9-13
I wrote you in my earlier letter that you shouldn't make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous. I didn't mean that you should have nothing at all to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with crooks, whether blue or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You'd have to leave the world entirely to do that! But I am saying that you shouldn't act as if everything is just fine when a friend who claims to be a Christian is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can't just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior. I'm not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don't we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers? God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house.
ch. 6
vs. 18-20 (NIV)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
ch. 7
vs. 17 [i hate this verse]
And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.
vs. 20-24
Stay where you were when God called your name. Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don't mean you're stuck and can't leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. I'm simply trying to point out that under your new Master you're going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you'll experience a delightful "enslavement to God" you would never have dreamed of. All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.
Monday, September 20, 2010
goals
it's occured to me that i do better week-by-week when i set out with goals. it starts me off with a positive attitude and it keeps me on track.
so, goals for this week:
go grocery shopping. make a list, buy healthy.
exercise 2x a day. you've done it before, do it again.
go to choir. leave on time, don't speed!
practice Christmas music. use CD if necessecary.
create a permanent food diary. buy one if needed.
go see dr. ruggiero.
research Colorado (cost, job ops).
practice piano. look for teacher.
practice voice. look for teacher.
calculate weight goals. set timeframe for gns.
get blood work done, garner needed suppliments.
wake up before 7 every day.
research dance classes.
look into FIF cost[s].
work on monologues.
increase work hours.
add to goals list if needed.
so, goals for this week:
go grocery shopping. make a list, buy healthy.
exercise 2x a day. you've done it before, do it again.
go to choir. leave on time, don't speed!
practice Christmas music. use CD if necessecary.
create a permanent food diary. buy one if needed.
go see dr. ruggiero.
research Colorado (cost, job ops).
practice piano. look for teacher.
practice voice. look for teacher.
calculate weight goals. set timeframe for gns.
get blood work done, garner needed suppliments.
wake up before 7 every day.
research dance classes.
look into FIF cost[s].
work on monologues.
increase work hours.
add to goals list if needed.
Friday, September 17, 2010
revelation
i'm never going to be good enough.
i've always heard people talk, from a Christian standpoint, about God bringing your significant other into your life when you're satisfied with Him or when you're content enough or "Christian enough" or whatever.
so i've tried, my whole life, to be content with the fact that i'm single. and to be calm and patient and satisfied and perfect and whatever. but the fact is, i'm never going to be good enough, and, dangit, i don't have to be!!
if i had to be good enough to receive grace, there's no way i'd be saved. if i had to be "Christian enough" to be accepted in my church, i'd be a total outcast. and if i had to look perfect ALL the time, i would have no friends.
so here, i'm going to say what i've been denying for a long time: sometimes it really, REALLY sucks to be single! i outright hate it at times. friends and family are no replacement for a husband. and that's fine, they aren't supposed to be.
now tomorrow i'm going to go right back to being content and patient, but for tonight i'm going to admit that while i know Love, i'm still waiting for my love. and i'm going to revel in the freeing fact that i'm never going to be good enough. i'm never going to be perfect. but one day [and dear Lord, please, oh PLEASE let it be soon!], God will bring me some one who will love me for the beautiful woman God has made me.
and yes, i will work, all my life, to be more Christ-like. but i don't have to be all the way there right now in order to be loved. and praise God all the more for it!
i've always heard people talk, from a Christian standpoint, about God bringing your significant other into your life when you're satisfied with Him or when you're content enough or "Christian enough" or whatever.
so i've tried, my whole life, to be content with the fact that i'm single. and to be calm and patient and satisfied and perfect and whatever. but the fact is, i'm never going to be good enough, and, dangit, i don't have to be!!
if i had to be good enough to receive grace, there's no way i'd be saved. if i had to be "Christian enough" to be accepted in my church, i'd be a total outcast. and if i had to look perfect ALL the time, i would have no friends.
so here, i'm going to say what i've been denying for a long time: sometimes it really, REALLY sucks to be single! i outright hate it at times. friends and family are no replacement for a husband. and that's fine, they aren't supposed to be.
now tomorrow i'm going to go right back to being content and patient, but for tonight i'm going to admit that while i know Love, i'm still waiting for my love. and i'm going to revel in the freeing fact that i'm never going to be good enough. i'm never going to be perfect. but one day [and dear Lord, please, oh PLEASE let it be soon!], God will bring me some one who will love me for the beautiful woman God has made me.
and yes, i will work, all my life, to be more Christ-like. but i don't have to be all the way there right now in order to be loved. and praise God all the more for it!
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