my favorite NCIS quotes [WIP]

Gibbs

• Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.
• Miracles take hard work, Commander.
• And do turn up the charm, Ziva David, you're a geek, not mentally deranged.
• Close your eyes. You feel the wood? You don't get a sensation like that from a power tool.

Tony

• So this nutjob was running through the mess hall, and he's completely naked, which is weird...
• I hate it when you don't know what you're looking for but it might kill you if you find it.
• I think you're confusing me with some one far less awesome.
• No one has teeth that white unless they have something to hide.
• I'm proud of you, like a weird uncle.
• I AM the American Dream!
• *grabs Mcgee through the bars* Prison changes a man.
• Ya know, in Arabic the word for desert is sahara, so Sahara Desert is actually desert desert. Lotta sand.
• We fail to contact Dubai, word gets to the carrier group in the Med and they scramble F-22 Raptors that... burn sand into glass!
• I had a hampster named Ferrari.
• Take a breath, have a keyboard.
• When the going gets tough, the tough go clubbing.
• Big "D", little "i", big "N", little "ozzo".
• My fingers are finging.
• But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
• The flaw in the plan... was the plan. But I got another plan to end it.
• It's not really a party 'till the bomb squad says it is.
• Ya know, since I'm here, it's a shame to waste me, I vote for a group bath.
• We were just, uh, eavesdropping like little girls.
• He called his own tip hotline. I'm starting to like this guy.
• They look funny with clothes on.
• I love you, boss.
  

Ziva

• You think this is a dwinka-kwink?
• I do not understand. If you want some one dead, you knock on their door, they answer, you shoot them. Easy.
• We have been instructed to sit on the baby.
• Tony, your dieing words will be, "I've seen this film".
• Some one will die today.
• "DiNozzo-itis?" Sounds veneral.
• You might want to do something about your hair, its sticking up like a porcu-swine....wrong word...like a porc- porcu-pig...no, the little animal with the little spikies...
• To dry-eyed mice!

Abby

• And I finally watched Titanic. It sinks at the end. Very weird.
• But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! Which I guess I could also understand. I mean he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death... alrght, I'll give you that one.
• *points to Chip, tied up on the floor* Now can I work alone?
• Good news and bad news, Gibbs. Good news is, I'm still cute. Bad news? The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy...
• Sailor on the half-shell!
• Abby has to pee.
• Fantasize later, Hemingway.
• Somebody needs a Happy Meal...
• Good dog. BAD McGee!
• Ecuatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.
• You’re not listening to a word I’m saying. I’m pregnant, McGee. Twins. Haven’t told the father yet…it’s Gibbs. I know it’s wrong but something about his silver hair just gets me all tingly inside.
• You may be smart, but my geek carries a gun!

McGee

• I've been thinking about buying some tight, red leather pants, something that really cradles my butt...
• And I'm gonna go do that... after I get... a nutter butter... >.>
• I'm gonna go... get... a haircut... >.>
• Why are you showing me mold porn?
• That IS a pretty sophisticated grammital differentiation.
• Yeah, it's funny 'till some one plunges to their death.
  

Palmer (Jimmy)

• It's not likely he was shot by a bird.
• I think she got off on the fumes!

Ducky

• We do not guess, Timothy. Nor do we assume, presume, conjecture or prognosticate.
• Danger, intrigue, a damsel in distress, I'm actually looking forward to it!

Fornell

• Try not to look so chipper. *drinks coffee* Alright, go.
• You got that mustache in a box, don't you?
• Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you.
• I don't know who you lie to, being the bottom of the armed Fed food chain... and not married.
• And people say WE'RE bastards.

Jenny

• Jethro always did like redheads...

Lee

• PS, I don't know where YOUR SIG is, but I'M having trouble walking...

Gibbs: ...ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill.
Jenny: So is castration.
Gibbs: I wear a cup.

Ziva: Uno mas, s'il vous plaît!
OMC: You're mixing your languages.
Ziva: And my liquors.

McGee: She'll call when she's ready.
Tony: Last time I said that I ended up tied to a chair in north Africa.

Tony: I thought you were supposed to be dead, Fornell.
Fornell: I got better.

Tony: I thought they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Kate: That's because the king only had horses and men.

Gibbs: The director just assured the Secretary of the Navy we were handling this thing with kid gloves.
Abby: Well we didn't get that memo. Cause, ya know, we're wearing latex.

Abby: Just sit back and let the scientists-
McGee: Kick all kinds of major ass.

Tony: Curious to know what follows red light behavior, Ziva?
Ziva: Uhhhh, potential pregnancy?

Gibbs: *blows the crap outta some guy and his trailor*
Tony: I think ya got 'im, boss.

Tony: The Eraser!
McGee: What movie is that from?
Tony: Oh, I don't know, Flashdance?

Kate: Why do you need two "B"s?
Gibbs: The second one's for "bastard".

Tony: Twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody understands again!
McGee: The GPS co-ordinates came bundled in a proprietary packet. Since it was a beta, I thought-
Gibbs: I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee

Fornell: This is a big deal for you, isn't it, letting me drive your car?
Gibbs: Ah, whatever. You already slept with my wife.

Fornell: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Gibbs: Oh, only slightly more than a lot.

Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible, I do not remember all their names. *shrugs*

Ziva: I do have feelings, though I do not express myself the way Abby does.
Tim: No one expresses himself the way Abby does.

Tony: I gotta write a book.
Gibbs: You should read one, first.

Abby: Who's a good Jethro?
Gibbs: I'm a good Jethro.

OMC: You're under arrest.
Gibbs: For what?
OMC: For pissing off the FBI.
Gibbs: Get used to it!

Abby: No plan, just go. Find along the way. If you look for something specific-
McGee: Then there's only one right answer.

Abby: Internet romances never work out.
Tony: They all end in attempted murder, Abby?
Abby: Only the really hot ones, Tony.

Kate: The only thing running through your blood, Tony, is cholesterol. And possibly chlamydia.
Tony: 's curable.

Tim: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: You all are.

Ziva: Toda.
Tony: Prego.

Gibbs: Not an accident.
Abby: Not unless the Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.

Abby: Thank you, sir.
Gibbs: Don't call me sir.
Abby: Thank you, ma'am.

Gibbs: No one is going to hurt you, Abby.
Abby: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Gibbs: Did it?
Abby: ...Yeah. Can you say it again?
Gibbs: Nobody's gonna hurt you, Abs.

Tony: This looks like a nice place, doesn't it, honey?
McGee: Sure does, sweetcheeks.