hormones or something like it

mood: depressed, but really glad i can get this out.
currently listening to: "some devil" by Dave Matthews
warning: this entry is completely depressing, read AYOR.

357 days of the year, i love being single. i revere it. i plan to stay that way forever and never never EVER have kids. [don't get me wrong, i love the crap out of kids. i'm simply NOT cut out to be a mother.]

those other 8 days, though...

anyway, today was one of those 8 days. it started out normally. nothing unusual. then i watched the most recent episode of "superstars of dance". it was so kool! the Americans totally kicked butt and the russian ballerina was amazing!! [of course, she studied at the bolshoi academy. duh.] and i just really wanted some one i could talk to about that. i didn't care if they really cared what i had to say or even about dance at all. i just wanted some one to tell my thoughts to. i got to talk to my mom for a couple minutes [like literally 2] when she came home for her lunch break, but then she had to go back to work. so that was that...

then, i watched last night's episode of "the secret life of the American teenager". (i know, i know. the writing's bad, the acting's worse, and the plot practically spells "contrived", but you care so much about the fates of these characters, you can't not watch. it's definitely a guilty pleasure.) *SPOILER ALERT* the main character and her boyfriend get married. yeah, they're FIFTEEN!!! now, obviously this isn't the fairy tale relationship every girl dreams about. the girl's 15, pregnant, and has now eloped with the guy she's in love with who, btw, is not the father of her child. even still. they got married and had a wedding ceremony at a little chapel and she wore a cream-colored dress and had purple flowers and it was just too cute and sad. i wanted to cry. and not because i'm a wedding-cryer, i'm not. it was just so sad. she'd been through so much and now her parents were getting a divorce and she was having a secret, illegal marriage [oh yeah, they got fake IDs] and nothing was going as planned. and what was even more sad was that i in some ways envied her. i mean, she had a guy who was totally willing to basically risk his future for her, a sister who would stand by her side through ANY thing, two friends who showed up uninvited to be her bridesmaids, and a baby on the way. told you it was sad.

the icing on the cake, ironically, was the funniest show i watched all day. i tivo the late late show, and the host, Craig Ferguson, got married over his Christmas break! like the first shot of the show was just of his left hand. i didn't get it at first. i was like, "something looks off here. OHMYGOSH HE GOT MARRIED!!!" he hadn't said anything at all about it in the weeks leading up to it. he finally showed a picture of the wedding. he was so handsome in his tux, and his bride was BEAUTIFUL. they were married on a farm in vermont in the middle of a snowstorm. everything was covered in snow and beautiful and the two could not have looked happier. and the whole show, Craig could not stop smiling. i mean he was seriously glowing. every single thing he said was "my wife this" and "my wife that". i mean seriously, it was so sweet i think it gave me a cavity. and i only say it was funny because, well, he's a comedian and a talk show host and his show's always funny and so yeah. so i couldn't be sad at this, but still, in the back of my head i was going, "WHAT THE HECK?!? is EVERY ONE getting married except ME?!?!? what is going on here?!?!?!?" [just like that too.]

so yeah. i guess that's that. i had more but i'll have to post it tomorrow. i've now been awake for 20 hours straight for the second day in a row, so i'm pretty tired.

topics to be covered tomorrow: children, specifically sleeping babies, and the biggest loser.

hugs.